Category personal

THIS BLOG TOOK SEVERAL ATTEMPTS BECAUSE IT MADE ME FEEL EXHAUSTED EVERY TIME I TRIED TO WRITE IT
The last time I moved with a trailer, it destroyed my transmissionn and left me n Laura stranded on the side of the road
We finally made it but it took 2 extra exhausting days
This time, I was sure that it would work out OK

-insert ironic pause here-

I had been assured that my Subaru station wagon would be fine for the trip so I got everything ready
As usual, there were things in the way
First, I had to change my brakes but couldn’t do it in the dirty snow in front of my house which is located just before an on ramp to a highwaywhere people come within inches of sideswiping you every 30 seconds Luckily, Marko let me use their driveway
The next problem was getting the electrical hookup for the ...

In continuation of my recent quest to root out the outdated sensebilities, a certain one has become more apparet to me
It will not be enough to just explore more types of music or even participate in them
I need to go even further and question my basic identity which has been as a musician
All of my aspirations and fantasies have revolved around people admiring me for all of my talents as someone who could play really well and be enteraining while doing it
But all along, I had this smoldering need to be more than that
There was a need to create music that attempted to defy traditions and contribute to the advancement of music as an art form
I didn’t necessarily need to be hugely important
But I at least needed to give a shit about being important
All of this was well and good, but there wa...

A vast majority of my musical identity has been formed around a very central concept
All of my energy went into making my personal musical ambition come true
Although I had made certain that no one was going to make me compromise my vision
This would lead me to quit every “band” I have ever been in
But I stuck it out and hoped that I could find someone who would share my vision and yet be equal in ability
It was a condensed version of the standard rock n’ roll fairytale which was the “us against the world” mentality

All the while, there was an example being set right in front of me that I refused to acknowledge

After leaving my last band in 04, I was determined to find a new way of approaching my music and came up with the PyroPlasticFlow concept which evolved from a duo to a solo project ...

I have not been writing much in the last month because there has been a lot happening

The trip to Dallas in december was very positive
First and foremost, I made it a point to be there to see my mother who is having health problems
I kept my social interactions to a minimum
Then there was the looming doom of a clutch that failed just after arriving in Dallas
Luckily that turned into a minor problem with bubbles in the lines but I was convinced for quite a few days that I was about to be $500 in the hole
This brought me face to face with one of my biggest anxieties
Debt

Laura points out that I am built for touring
Cheap as hell and satisfied with almost nothing to live on
My entire adult life has been engineered so that I wouldn’t have to be in debt to anyone, much less a credit card compan...

I hung out with my friend who doubles as a therapist today and we discussed the fact that some people continue to hang out with me simply for the reason that they don’t like to do the talking

We all get told a million times that the art of good conversation is achieved by listeing instead of just waiting for someone to pause so that you can start talking
I obviously fall in the “talker” category and I have had much anxiety over the amount of wear and tear it has on my friends
But then I get reassured that this quality is a main reason why I have so many cool people surrounding me

Of course, I still need to be conscious of listening
Mostly because it is a free resource of material to digest and make your own
But I also have to allow myself the luxury of knowing that most people just don’t h...

wow, amazing how quick I can turn on a dime sometimes and be filled with resentment and anger. These are the times when I pay the price for existing between the lines. but I wouldn’t trade it for a hundred mediocre existances

This started out as an initial statement but I feel I need to do a bit of writing therapy so here goes
From the moment I can remember what it was like to interact with people in a social situation, I can also remember not being able to fit in
It wasn’t because I was ugly or fat (I got pretty chubby in grade school, though) or had some type of obvious physical difference
I wasn’t from a strange family that believed weird things or had a strange religion
I could pretty much succeed at anything I felt like doing no matter if it was sports or artistic (I was even a good s...

Here’s what’s crossed off the to do list lately
-Sell The Van
I bought my Chevy Lumina van from Roy back in 2006
Thanks to Roy allowing me access to his tools, I kep that thing alive on the cheap for almost 5 years
It has carried me back and forth between Dallas and Minneapolis (loaded to the top many times)
Trying to sell it with the mileage it had was tough but having broken door handles made it even tougher
It seems that every time I had someone interested in it, something happened to keep it from getting sold
A garage down the street finally bought it off me for a low but fair price
I originally paid $1500 for that van and got my money’s worth

-Print T-Shirts
I wanted to have shirts for the GZ show but the design just didn’t come through in time
I decided to print them up anyways and h...

As I was waxing poetically to myself about my youth, I had to ask myself a question
What happened to my supposed open mind?

Flash back to 1990
I have just landed a really slummy yet centrally located house dubbed “The Hash Palace”
Not because it was a drug dealer’s house but because the bass player from the band Hash Palace lived there
I say centrally located because it was THE party house of the early Deep Ellum scene in Dallas Tx, but it was also a 5 minute walk away from Ellum

Deep Ellum’s newly emerging bars were lenient on the artisitic clientelle and allowed me pretty much unfetterd access to not having to pay cover
This meant that all the great bands playing in the early days were available to me because of my reluctance to pay cover for music I might hate
I watched a lot of crappy ...

A musician who is one of my all time favorite bands recently came through Mpls
I have not spoken to him in decades but he didn’t seem to mind and invited me to come out to his show
Obviously, it was good to catch up with him but I also had an alterior motive which was to get him to pass my material on to his independant label
I half jokingly explained to him that I could be bought for a 200 day tour and a Subway sandwich a day
Not only that but I was ready to trim some of my equipment fat and put the rest in storage
That way I can put my downsized stage rig and a duffle bag full of clothes in my wagon and head to whatever town is gonna work out

I had a bit of anxiety attack when I told him that one of his songs in particular paralelled some of the weaknesses I felt when I wanted to die
It ...

I had to poke 2 new holes in my belt and my boxers are slipping down past my ass inside my pants
The only way to keep them from falling is to pull them up over my belt
Either way, I feel like one of those ridiculous gangsta douches that wear their pants below their ass

Here’s a billboard from my old hood in Dallas
It’s right across from the ultra badass and yet insanely inexpensiveEgg Roll Hut
Damn,
Now I want Egg Roll Hut
Somebody go eat there for me