Category personal

The last few months have been developing very quickly for me and I have to make sure I take stock of things so that I can capitalize on my accomplishments as well as learn from my setbacks

The biggest news of all is that I have gotten medial insurance through the state of Minneasota
This has allowed me to see a dentist, a doctor and a therapist
All for $29 a month (plus $6 for certain visits)
This has relieved a deep seeded anxiety regarding my physical and mental health
A huge amount of built up pressure is streaming out of me
Especially important are the therapy sessions which are teaching me how to fix my own problems
This has resulted in an increased amount of self confidence, which, in turn, results in a huge boost in my drive

My job at orchestra hall almost made me want to quit becau...

Watching the Daily Show and Arcade Fire is performning
Immediately, I thought to myself “Judging by the people I have seen that listen to Arcade Fire, they will be some lame ass indie band that’s nothing more than backwards haircuts over un-inspired crappy pop music”
I can’t remember ever listening to them so I gave them a try
After all, my new efforts at opening my mind to new things has resulted in some very positive attitudes that have helped me get over my bitter resentment towards most people and their shitty tastes

Well turns out
I was right
They are a lame ass indie band just like 90% of the rest of them
Their biggest sin is to have 2 drummers that play the exact same thing

See?
There’s a reason why I lump people into groups
Most of the time, they prove me right

The douche has not barrage texted me in about a week and I think he might be done
I did not erase any of them and the total so far is 248
I did keep them but it filled my phone up so much that I was having to delete my sent and recieved texts as they happened

I had held onto those texts because I was still making up my mind if I wanted to pursue it further
After several interactions with the suspect douche (once again, he neither denied or confirmed so I can’t say for sure) I am convinced that it would be futile to try to report it
not only would it be incredibly difficult to prove, it is also something that hurts my actual life very little
Of course there’s the whole “I can’t let some douche get away with offending me” but I was fortunate to be able to assess that it is my ego that is hol...

wow
look at the notepad
I worked out a bunch of shit last night and didn’t get to sleep until 5:30
Now it is shit I don’t have to worry about today
Getting my ducks in a row
Adjusting to new parameters
Muad ‘Dib says “I will bend like a reed in the wind”
Then he killed Sting
I don’t think I can shoot as high as Sting’s level right now but this is abolutely the most important time of my entire life
It is nice to be excited/scared rahter than anxiety/scared

Thank you mother nature for the light show on the bike ride home from work
I didn’t even mind getting drenched

As the GZ gig gets closer and closer, I am starting to see the good parts of my work ethic take over
Please allow me this rare self congratulatory moment but I must lay this stuff out and accept my accomplishments as much as I beat myself up for my failings

-I have handed out over 1000 flyers for this show (a vast majority of them whilst looking them in the eye)
Traditional music business math states that 10% of the people you flyer will show up
100 people?
Fuck yeah
I’ll take that for my first show at a major venue (major to me that is)

-I have gotten over several self imposed restrictions regarding my “musicianship” and have started concentrating on my growing strength as a visual artist
This has lead me to develop a much more streamlined set that is more predictable for me
The positive ...

I have one simple question to ask Minnesota care and it took me 4 hours to find out that no one cares to answer my question
I just bought a car with a $3000 loan from my father
He has graciously allowed me to pay it off over 2 1/2 years
I’d like to expedite the procedure with a 2nd job
However, it is not worth making too much money and losing Minnesota care

The decision?
Take longer to pay off the loan and keep my insurance
or
Pay off the loan ASAP and risk making too much money and losing my health insurance

Not only does the culture of social services discourage self improvement, it also places such frustrating hurdles in front of you that it doesn’t surprise me that even the people who do qualify, don’t take advantage of the services our STATE TAXES PROVIDE FOR

Yep, the statement that l...

Someone has been trying to get under my skin lately and it has invoked some aggressive thoughts in my head
I didn’t realize how much I allowed my anger to take control of my thought process that I spent a good deal of the afternoon obsessing over how to get back at this person
That’s when I realized I had wasted a day off and it was now too late to play the drums in the basement
I let this douche deprive me of an afternoon of playing the drums

This is not me saying that I feel unjustified at being angry at this fuckass
I just can’t do anything about it and therefore need to quit obsessing over it and causing me to lose focus
Let’s not get all hippie and start talking about positive vibes and “peace n’ groovy faces everywhere”
I would still use any resource I could to fuck this guy back
It’...

Almost let a personal grudge distract me from my work
Got over it and am out tonight flyering at GZ

Yet another revalation in my latest series of introspective moments has happened
The shape it has taken is the form of a small notepad
Not to catch all of the clever ideas and feelings and all that crap
We artists like to fantasize that our notebooks will end up in some museum or purchased for millions of dollars becaise of all the pearls of wisdom contained therin
Nope, this is the type of notepad that my father tried to force upon me when I was younger
“Make a list” he would always say
I associated that stuff with school and rejected this way of thinking as the anal retentive ways of a man who spent his time looking for mistakes in computer code punched through paper cards
After all, I was a free spirited artist and was going to make my way by the seat of my pants
All I needed to do was ...