Personal Outdated Sensebilities part 3 (single minded v.s. open minded)

“Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean I failed”
This is the new lesson I have learned due to my latest musical endeavor

I recently got involved with some musicians that asked me to write drums and record for them
Things didn’t work out the way I wanted and I basically had to realize that it was time to cut my losses
Normally, I would be coming down hard on myself right now for failing yet again but I approached this situation with a new concept
“If I fail this time, it won’t be because I didn’t work hard enough”

There were a whole bunch of red flags the whole way throughout this process but I stuck it through until I was convinced that the effort was futile
I tolerated someone else’s ego and even managed to navigate some pretty choppy waters thanks to “Zen Rockula”
Situations where I would normally end up in a confrontation turned into moments where I just had to admit I had no control.
Usually, I would have just blown everything up and defaulted to the worst case scenario
This time, I carefully measured my actions and ended up avoiding some real unpleasant situations (meaning, I acted like an adult for once)
This allowed me to adjust to the new situation and measure my new options

Unfortunately, this time my efforts came up short when it came to getting paid
Fortunately, this is a very valuable example for me to try to replicate in the future
But it wasn’t the only positive aspect of this “failure”

I had doubts about my ability to play this material
My problem wasn’t knowing what to play (although I will address that situation in a sec) but with the physical execution of it
The idea of playing metal gave me certain anxieties because I was nowhere close to being able to play extended periods of blast beat double bass (I am pretty solid on med-up tempos though)
When I asked several metal bands in the building about the current climate in metal,they explained to me that the one upsmanship of speed and intensity was subsiding and that playing interesting drum parts is becoming more valuable
This was a sentiment echoed by the people I was working with, which gave me a huge sense of validation
I am gaining more endurance and playing more accurately
The physical advancements I am making cause me to address a very deeply rooted anxiety that I consider to be a flaw
This latest experience showed me a less prevalent side of myself

One of the things I have been pondering lately is my work ethic
I manage to get in some drumming here and there, work up a sweat and get in better shape
But I really don’t do anything else musical
Although video is a valuable investment of my energy, I have been using it as a crutch to hide the fact that I just don’t seem to give a shit about my music right now
Mostly as a result of prolonged periods of time with no forward momentum
Not to mention the silence of people’s general ambivalence

Once I got the song structures of the metal band down, I started dissecting and re-writing the drum parts
I would often spend a good 30 or 45 minutes hammering out the same 5 second drum pattern to see how closely I could match, not only the guitar notes, but the nuances of the right hand picking and muting
This was the kind of attention I would normally give to editing video which is the only thing I seem to enjoy obsessing over nowadays
Even though I had no emotional investment in this music, I worked as hard as I could

Since informing the band that I wasn’t interested in working with them, I have had several opportunities present themselves to me
I am approaching them with a renewed sense of optimism
This living situation is already proving itself worthy of uprooting my whole life and killing my car to get back down to Dallas
I just gotta keep at it and try not to lose momentum

The single minded attitude has cost me quite a few years of stagnation
Now that I am opening my mind, it seems that opportunities are presenting themselves to me