On to the next idea

I don’t consider the busking idea to be a failiure but the “near ticket experience” certainly tried my anxiety reflexes
Using electricity is the biggest flaw in the design even though I can deal with lugging all of that equipment onto the street and taking 30 minutes to set up
It seems that I am always making things difficult by complicating them with intricate setups
However, this seems to be the only way that I can set myself apart from everyone else
Anyone can bring a hand drum or a guitar out and start playing
The fact that I only made a couple of bucks in 2 hours wasn’t a deterrent because I didn’t fanatsize about making tons of money when I thought this up, I kept thinking about how much my idea stood out from the rest
This was re-enforced by the amount of people who stopped to check out what I was doing

I think my biggest problem is that my ideas are always too far ahead of the others around
Not that people are stupid, but they don’t respond as favorably to being challenged
None of these things really mattered to me except the potential ticket
The city wants me to purchase a permit for $130 a month to use their electricity and they can fuck the hell off
If nothing else, I showed myself that I can come up with any configuration to fit just about any situation

This exposes a central issue with my quest for “fixing” myself
Am I purposely making things complicated for other people to understand because I resent them?
The more people ignore me, the more I want to shove my individuality in their faces, as if to say “If you don’t care for what I am doing, I wanna make sure that I prove to you that it is your lack of ability to percieved advanced ideas that is the problem”
It’s not that I’m not good enough, it’s that you don’t have enough depth to appreciate it

Other than the gratification of applause, the main thing that drives a musician’s ego is the statement “Wow, you are really good on _______”
Musicians celebrate the fact that they can do things that a notmal person cannot
How many people fanasize about being told “Man, you are really good a filling out progress reports for your boss”?
This has lead to technical proficency to beat out ideas over the recent evolution of musical direction
Of course, there’s the vast amount of sellout group-thinkers who just jump on the latest trend in order to cash in on what the kids have been told is good this month
However, those of us who chose to make their efforts based on their actual talents and gifts have to make the decision of how to stand out
Most chose to blind people with their technique, mostly because anyone can sit in their practice studio and play scales over and over until they can effortlessly glide over their instrument at blinding speeds
Even fewer of use original and innovative ideas, which is the more difficult of the two when it comes to relating to a potential audience
Anyone can recognise technical proficiency
It is much more difficult for a normal person to appreciate new ideas
This path has been a huge reason why I am still stuck at home just wishing
Unfortunately, this is the only way that I can really feel any satisfaction
there are a million shredders out there and I cannot allign myself with the herd (even if it is the heard of outsiders)
It is tough being outside the outside but I believe that, once I to get a push, it will pay off bigger

It is time to stop morning the loss of my previous mallet percussionist and jump back on that idea again
I made flyers and plan to put them up at U of M and whatever Music Tech is called now
My anxiety kept me from going out and putting them up
The evnts of yesterday have lit a fire under my ass
Time to get on the bike and head to U of M