I was going to go to work today until I heard on the radio that it would take at least an hour just to get on the DART rail trains due to the Mavericks parade so I called work and said I wasn’t going to be in
This left me with an entire day to myself
I hit craigslist and scanned the employment section, sent out my resume to some likely candidates and then turned my attention to getting something accomplished
Then the familiar blockage set in

People familiar with my blogs have read my accounts of my difficulties in creating lately
There are a couple of well meaning friends who have told me “Quit whining and just do it” which is about the equivalent of “Walk it off” from a gym coach
They mean well, but I am not sure they realize the depths in which this problem reaches
To make matters worse,...

I had an informal audition for a band yesterday
It is not real clear yet if I am in but things went well
I have a week to work on the material and feel optimistic
It is very pop so I don’t have to concentrate too much on technique
It seems my biggest challenge is going to be to restrain myself from overplaying
Maybe I will take a few passes around the material for a few hours before I go to my mom’s house
They’ve got a giant TV and it willl be fun to watch the Mav’s game
It will be a fun time with the family on a nice Sunday

William called me up to see how I was doing and to ask me if I was OK
I said I was just fine and he explained that the latest Rockula update was causing some people concern
When I asked why, he explained that it sounds like I am at rock bottom and that I am considering hurting myself or ending my life
After I established that I don’t intend to do either of those things, we discussed why people reacted the way they did to the post
The main point that I want to make about the tone of that blog is that I do truly feel the way it came across
My life does truly feel very dismal at the moment but I never expected people to react the way they did but it doesn’t surprise me that it got the attention it did
I explained to him about my lack of creative energy at the moment and that the only inspired...

It’s been 2 months since the move back to Dallas and the ordeal dealt a serious blow to my momentum
Having my car self destruct not only caused me great distress but also has put me in credit card debt and severely hampered my ability to get a job
I am still $2000 in debt to my father for a car that now resides in a junkyard in Mason City Iowa
I managed to get $150 for it and sold some equipment but that only cut my CC debt in half

Living in Dallas is no different than Minneapolis because I brought all of my emotional and mental deficiancies with me
I still feel empty and devoid of any hope for my future
Although I have gotten a good portion of my drumming strength and endurance back, I still cannot manage to create anything new
Any and all attempts to write new music, lyrics or even edit ...

I’m sitting there doing something unproductive like rotting on the internet when an idea pops into my head
It does laps around my brain, gains momentum and finally convinces me to get off my ass and do something with it
But I know from experience that I had better get it done quick because, with the idea, comes all of the creativity killing anxieties that slow me down and eventually make me wanna give up and go back to rotting on the internet again
Video ideas are a lot easier
Searching through the hard drive isn’t so bad because I bothered to catalogue everything when I digitized it
If it is on VHS or DVD, then I have to wait through the ripping process to get my clip
This is not as momentum killing because I can always surf the internet whilst the ripping occurs but it still allows me to...

I just played the drums and here’s what was different
-I didn’t have to set up
-I didn’t have to break down
-I played at 3 am on REAL DRUMS *REAL LOUD!*
-I took a shower directly afterwards and didn’t have to drive home to do it

Having recently been urged to re-consider metal, I decided to play some tonight
The evening started when I discovered that the new season of “That Metal Show” was currently running, so I watched the first episode and got excited
I started stretching as I watched it and then did some light martial arts (100 front and side kicks 100 punches and blocks as well as 50 stretch kicks)

This got my heart rate up and also helped me to stretch a bit easier because the muscles were warmer
After the show was over, I warmed up a bit with my usual single stroke rolls on both hand...

THIS BLOG TOOK SEVERAL ATTEMPTS BECAUSE IT MADE ME FEEL EXHAUSTED EVERY TIME I TRIED TO WRITE IT
The last time I moved with a trailer, it destroyed my transmissionn and left me n Laura stranded on the side of the road
We finally made it but it took 2 extra exhausting days
This time, I was sure that it would work out OK

-insert ironic pause here-

I had been assured that my Subaru station wagon would be fine for the trip so I got everything ready
As usual, there were things in the way
First, I had to change my brakes but couldn’t do it in the dirty snow in front of my house which is located just before an on ramp to a highwaywhere people come within inches of sideswiping you every 30 seconds Luckily, Marko let me use their driveway
The next problem was getting the electrical hookup for the ...

Two things today to cross off the final check list
Both concerning the vehicle
The oil change was important but the extremely important issue was getting the electrical hookup connected for the trailer
I had pulled the interior paneling off both rear quarter panels in order to find the brake light and turn signal plug for the trailer
The video said it would be in a certain spot but I couldn’t find it for the life of me
I took it to Laura’s brother John’s garage and told him where I thought it was
He poked around for a second and then pointed to a blue cube and said “here it is”
The plug had been in the open but didn’t recognise it because it was encased in tape

This has taken a load off my mind
There are only one or two more things I have to take care of (like painting over where I got a b...

This would be the second time that I have played Ground Zero so I was a lot less stressed out about the gig
My last gig was plagued by my biggest obstacle to date
Lack of appropriate space to set up my show
Time isn’t so much of a factor anymore because the new simplified setup
I still have difficulty pulling the performance off if I have to move the setup to a different location
* Change of outlook moment
-I just had an idea that would slightly affect the amount of pieces in my drum rack but greatly increase the flexibility of the rig
This is an opportunity for me to trade a nitpicky focus for a more efficient solution

Back to the gig

I was a bit dissapointed that the catwalk had not been assembled for the show so I had to default to the side of the screen again but at least I had tons ...

Anytime I have a dream that involves playing a gig it usually ends up the same way
I am frantically trying to get all of my equipment ready to go and there’s always something missing or I have 5 minutes to assemble a rig that usually takes 30 minutes (if I was well prepared beforehand that is)
I cannot remember ever having a pleasant dream involving a gig
However, I just woke up from the most wonderful dream where I played a gig and it went well
Not only that, but people appreciated my show and it eventually ended with a bunch of us talking about cool stuff after the gig

Is that such an unreasonable dream?
I don’t need the millions of dollars or the sea of fans or even the line of groupies at the backstage door
All I need is to share my art with other people and to have themm appreciate it