When Self Esteem affects Work Ethic

One of my biggest self esteem issues is that I think that I have a very lazy work ethic. It doesn’t take much to get me to walk away from a project or job when I find myself getting discouraged or distracted. Of course, I always seem to find plenty of energy for other people’s projects but that is because I am getting paid. My problem is trying to generate enthusiasm for a project that hasn’t made much of an impact over the last decade. I have made giant leaps and bounds in the technical evolution of my own music but I keep putting off booking Multiple Man for live shows. Conversely, I have poured hundreds of hours into the RAMONE because I knew that it would be a solid investment of time and emotional energy.
As it stands now, I have people who have never met me or even seen the Ramone that have expressed the desire to become a fan and supporter. I have people asking to buy shirts from other countries.
My old self would still harbor resentment for the fact that I had to invent some novelty band in order to get attention. The old me would have scoffed at “selling out” and only would begrudgingly accept the concept because it was so “ironic”. But I find myself drawing less of a line between “art” and “novelty act” and just enjoying the basic mechanations of creation. The reward you get when it is 4:45 am and you’re watching the final cut of the video that fits perfectly into the spot where it belongs. One of my favorite things to do when I am particularly pleased with myself is to talk to myself like Wylie Coyote and say SUUUUUUUUUPER GENIUS to myself over and over (yes I know he gets hit by the train but I change the ending to fit my own narrative)

I can’t beat myself up about my lack of motivation when I go back into old video files and re-create songs to add to the live set.I have 8 songs from my first live set that didn’t make it to my current set. They need to be re-built from raw clips. It is excruciatingly slow work because I have to re-engineer all of the syncing, color correction and green screen. Then, I have to sync new audio parts because the old ones were EQ-ed like poop and were frequently played incorrectly.
If this had been my own music, it would take weeks for me to slog through all of that work because I just can’t seem to muster the emotional energy
But the RAMONE is a different story and I have to recognize that I should use the “novelty act” as a practical starting point for all of my artistic experiments. Plus, I need to recognize that the RAMONE will eventually generate both exposure and revenue.

Consider the people around you that are full of amazing and wonderful potential. That potential gets trapped inside the protective emotional shield they have built up in order to keep from completely giving up
In most cases, it only take a small bit of support and encouragement to get them to invest more emotional energy into creating.
Not only can you help a new talent blossom but, in some cases, you are saving someone’s life. Or, at least making their life a lot more enjoyable