The Rockula! update 2/22/2011

I have not been writing much in the last month because there has been a lot happening

The trip to Dallas in december was very positive
First and foremost, I made it a point to be there to see my mother who is having health problems
I kept my social interactions to a minimum
Then there was the looming doom of a clutch that failed just after arriving in Dallas
Luckily that turned into a minor problem with bubbles in the lines but I was convinced for quite a few days that I was about to be $500 in the hole
This brought me face to face with one of my biggest anxieties
Debt

Laura points out that I am built for touring
Cheap as hell and satisfied with almost nothing to live on
My entire adult life has been engineered so that I wouldn’t have to be in debt to anyone, much less a credit card company
I didn’t need a nice car or a big TV or the new phone
Unfortunately, I took it too far and let it influence every aspect of my life
Including taking risks
Now I am faced with the very real possibility that I will have to use a credit card to pay for my clutch and all of the responsible people in my life collectively say “So F’in what?”
Grow the hell up
As Laura’s boyfriend Joey so eloquently put it “He’s really talented but he’s kind of a Goober”
My fear of debt and responsibility also squelched all of my aspirations
Of course, I can point to all of my artistic triumphs but that really doesn’t mean much when there’s no belief in it as an actual product
That is the one thing I truly have to do is tranfer the energy I put into believing in my art into making it a product

This has lead me to jump back into the game and start working again
This has resulted in two new directions
The first one is that I have been getting offers from people putting on events to help manage the stage
Evidently, there was a bit of buzz generated about the last show that I put on at GZ and how it wasn’t as disastrous as I had imagined
PyroPlasticFlow has been invited to perform at most of the events which is always a bonus

The next new positive is that I am now in a preliminary deal with Shinto records
Nothing has transpired as of yet and it is a handshake deal
We decided that working together on a few shows would be a nice introductory way to gague our interests
I ran the stage for the Roughhausen show and put on a solid performance at the 400 bar
I originally intended to just ask Oni, the guy who runs the label, to give me some advice on how to seek out record companies
He turned around and asked me to work with him and offered a limited pressing of my material and he’s interested in having me do more at the label
I also have 2 remaining gigs at Club Underground on the 24th and March 16th at Ground Zero

meanwhile

The owner of the rehearsal studio I love so much in Dallas is offering me a job runnung the studio
In exchange, I will get use of the apartment on the premesis which includes a shower and kitchen
This is an opportunity that I have waited for ever since I learned of it’s existance
This means that I will get that coveted living/work space that I have wanted since the Moon Tunes days more than a decade ago
Allan has told me that he has great confidence that I will do a great job
Now that I have had time to weigh the decision I realized that this is a chance for me to take a stab at some responsibility albeit a very easy one to fulfill (seeing as I love that building like it is a person)

Of course, I have huge anxieties that it will all of the sudden be taken away from me
Not only that but I am letting someone down terribly and it causes me some guilt
I just have to persevere and take advantage of this opportunity to not only further my musical ambitions but to also make myself a better person by trying something that I have never done before
I have taken care of all of the most pressing health issues that need to be addressed while I still have cheap ass health insurance so I feel good about getting healthier

I have new ideas about directions
Not only artistic directions but personal ones
I am going to try to question my long standing conceptions and challenge some of my deepest anxieties