Category personal

My negative experiences with busking in Minneapolis were pressing heavily on me as I lugged my gear to Deep Ellum to claim the spot I had scoped out
I was worried about the noise of the drumkit
I was worried about getting a ticket

I found a parking spot very close to my spot
It was around the corner but not so far that I would have to spend more than 15/20 seconds with my eyes off my equipment
The parking lot across the street wanted ten dollars
I asked one of the businesses next to the spot if they would allow me to plug in an extension cord for future electonic drum explorations but they were afraid of getting a ticket from the city (which is fair)
I REALLY need to figure a way to get portable power on the street

I set up and started playing at about 8pm and it didn’t take long until Tur...

Hope this doesn’t come across smug and boastful but…
I have a really good life right now
I live in an incredible 1200 sq ft apartment inside a rehearsal studio complex My cost of living is ridiculously low
I only work 12 hours a week driving around in an air conditioned car listening to my entire music collection and yet make the same amount of money as I did busting my knuckles under a car hood in the sun
I have relaxed my musical sphincter and started to audition for various bands of different styles
This has taught me that I am still going to fail more than succeed.
Not only that but the failures are more like opportunities that I didn’t want to explore any further, which is a lot easier to take and a lot less personal
The concept of one concentrated push of all of my abilities has sh...

I have always been very smug and took it personally when being rejected for someone else’s musical project
Most of the time, it is because I see ways that my talents can improve the product
The person trying to recruit me to help produce their project gets threatened and goes for someone with less ideas and more ability to do what they’re told
Nevermind that they have a mediocre visionand inferior product
As long as they dumb it down and dress the idea with the appropriate genre specific clothing, they will be sure to get lots of local gigs
They might even go on tour and play for the exact same people in different cities all over the country (if their day jobs will be waiting for them when they get back)
But all they will ever be is a mediocre entity feeding with mediocre aspirations
Seldo...

October is an excuse to try to work as much as possible
My focus has moved from PyroPlasticFlow to other outside interests
Halloween is perfrct for the video DJ thing so I thought I’d do that for a while
The experience with the metal band, although I ended up getting screwed, was a good excercise in playing for other people instead of just for myself
I have several bands on deck and am looking to see what sticks
I have been giving these bands my best so far and it makes me think back on the way I have felt for a very long time

Playing for yourself is the one answer you always get from musicians and artists when they’re asked the inevitable “What’s the secret of success?” question during the interview
It appears that I have been taking that advice a little too far
I have given my best to ev...

“Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean I failed”
This is the new lesson I have learned due to my latest musical endeavor

I recently got involved with some musicians that asked me to write drums and record for them
Things didn’t work out the way I wanted and I basically had to realize that it was time to cut my losses
Normally, I would be coming down hard on myself right now for failing yet again but I approached this situation with a new concept
“If I fail this time, it won’t be because I didn’t work hard enough”

There were a whole bunch of red flags the whole way throughout this process but I stuck it through until I was convinced that the effort was futile
I tolerated someone else’s ego and even managed to navigate some pretty choppy waters thanks to “Zen Rockula”
Situations where...

July started out in a dubious fashion when work at Roy’s started to trickle out
I did have an interview with an E-bay store (which hasn’t panned yet)and haven’t worked in about a week or so
Meanwhile, the guys from the metal band dowstairs asked me if I would start recording tracks with them
It was a bit of a task to learn their material
Mostly because the principal guitar player was a bit off on his transitions between his riffs
Add to that the good ole metal tradition of trying to fit as many different riffs into a measure as possible
Pretty soon you have a soup of riffs that are undistinguishable from the next and once you finally understand the riff you’re listening to, it changes into something else
I finally got him to let me dissect each riff one by one until I learned the pattern o...

I was going to go to work today until I heard on the radio that it would take at least an hour just to get on the DART rail trains due to the Mavericks parade so I called work and said I wasn’t going to be in
This left me with an entire day to myself
I hit craigslist and scanned the employment section, sent out my resume to some likely candidates and then turned my attention to getting something accomplished
Then the familiar blockage set in

People familiar with my blogs have read my accounts of my difficulties in creating lately
There are a couple of well meaning friends who have told me “Quit whining and just do it” which is about the equivalent of “Walk it off” from a gym coach
They mean well, but I am not sure they realize the depths in which this problem reaches
To make matters worse,...

I had an informal audition for a band yesterday
It is not real clear yet if I am in but things went well
I have a week to work on the material and feel optimistic
It is very pop so I don’t have to concentrate too much on technique
It seems my biggest challenge is going to be to restrain myself from overplaying
Maybe I will take a few passes around the material for a few hours before I go to my mom’s house
They’ve got a giant TV and it willl be fun to watch the Mav’s game
It will be a fun time with the family on a nice Sunday

William called me up to see how I was doing and to ask me if I was OK
I said I was just fine and he explained that the latest Rockula update was causing some people concern
When I asked why, he explained that it sounds like I am at rock bottom and that I am considering hurting myself or ending my life
After I established that I don’t intend to do either of those things, we discussed why people reacted the way they did to the post
The main point that I want to make about the tone of that blog is that I do truly feel the way it came across
My life does truly feel very dismal at the moment but I never expected people to react the way they did but it doesn’t surprise me that it got the attention it did
I explained to him about my lack of creative energy at the moment and that the only inspired...

It’s been 2 months since the move back to Dallas and the ordeal dealt a serious blow to my momentum
Having my car self destruct not only caused me great distress but also has put me in credit card debt and severely hampered my ability to get a job
I am still $2000 in debt to my father for a car that now resides in a junkyard in Mason City Iowa
I managed to get $150 for it and sold some equipment but that only cut my CC debt in half

Living in Dallas is no different than Minneapolis because I brought all of my emotional and mental deficiancies with me
I still feel empty and devoid of any hope for my future
Although I have gotten a good portion of my drumming strength and endurance back, I still cannot manage to create anything new
Any and all attempts to write new music, lyrics or even edit ...