One of the things I have made an effort to aknowlege is the moment when I stop and realize that I am getting what I want
It is a rare moment where I get a huge smile on my face and bliss out

These are the moments that remind me that my everyday existance is influenced by the mis-trust and hostility I have built up over my recent years
These are moments that tell me it is worth continuing to try hard
Mostly because you never seemed to feel those moments until you started
If I can’t allow myself to enjoy what I am doing with my life then why bother?

There has been a noticable amount of time where I just wasn’t interested in doing anything
Those moments are when I still believe enough in the concept to keep it alive but have no drive to actually make it happen
Those are also the majority of m...

I have had a breakthrough with my ability to convert my DVDs to files I can manipulate on the laptop
When I first got the laptop, I had some people give me some programs that they thought might work for my simple basic needs
In this case it was a DVD decrypter and an Mpeg streamer
decrypt, then stream, then you get a file in your “videos”
However, the streamer was fickle and didn’t always wanna work on certain discs with copy protection or those that were just too scratched or from weird sources
I thought to myself that one day I would get something that would rip any disc I put in the laptop
I didn’t know I already had it

Fast forward to a few months ago and I have just installed the VLC Media player
This thing plays waaay more types of files than my basic windows media player
However, I ...

I am more than willing to write many paragraphs chronicling my acceptance of my flaws and failures but I also need to have the same acceptance when people show their admiration and friendship
Although we all know it is shallow on the surface to count the number of people who wished me a happy birthday on Facebook today but it was also a chance to excercise my positive acceptance muscles
Not only that, but to enjoy the positive energy being sent to me

Looking back, many of my recent years have been spent with such an overriding hostility that I couldn’t get over my general mistrust of people enough to feel secure when someone paid me a compliment or showed admiration of something I did
My answer was usually either self depracating or arrogant

I have decided that it is neccessary to accept w...

There are all types of things people have said to me to make me feel better
Be it a failure with my music, rejection from a girl or setback in life, the sentiments I would get from people seemed more like a pat on the head
Of course, people meant well but I usually took it as them trying to say something so that they could feel better about saying something
It almost never used to comfort me but I understood the sentiment
Most of the time, I would rather have somene help me with the situation but that is not realistic and rarely can anyone help you with your problems

Now I know that it is my own hostility that colors my perception of what other’s words mean to me
It is also helping me to consider advice from people when I don’t like the solution
I have reversed my opinon on several things ...

By some miracle, there is a stray internet signal that I have been able to catch so I am gobbling it up as much as I can while I can
Forcing myself to get out of the house and take care of my “jobs”
Posted an ad for the Van
http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/cto/1953712799.html

After that, I took the bike over to Minnehaha Falls park to ride the trail
The usual plan is to ride over there, go at least to the other end of the trail and head back
However, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it over there so I took the wagon
Once again, I get to deal with the anger I have over the hit and run because I cannot even put my bike in the gate
I have to tie it to the top
This makes me dwell on negative shit and I don’t like how I get constantly reminded of how this guy showed absolute disreagrd for...

I have been over the flu for a day or two but my muscles are still sore
It is difficult to do anything right now because I am easily tired
Not only that but anything I have found that it is hard to finish anything
I have tried a couple of things lately but I just can’t seem to persevere

I have ridden the bike a little and did take care of a few minor things but this needs to get over with
My biggest anxiety right now is to lose any kind of momentum and stagnate again
I spent the last few months fixated on the GZ gig and it drove everything else I did

I am going to need to escape from the dreadful Minnesora winter so I figured what better way than to take a trip to Dallas and play a few places along the way
My new touring configuration will have a small footprint and will be able to fit in the back of my new touring wagon
This means I can play anything from a basement party to a club stage so there is no limit on the tpes of places I can play
As long as they can handle the volume!

So, if you live in close to proximity to I-35 and can host a performance or refer me to someone who can then I would love to hear from you
The ideal cities I checked out on the map should DesMoines Ia, Whichita/Lawrence/Kansas City Ks-Mo, Tulsa/OKC Ok and DFW Tx

Got an itch to get out there and see some places again and I hope you can be a part of it
Hope to h...

The library has made sure that I am not wasting time being idle and watching wrestling
It is loading very slowly and I really need to do other things
1- Assess the short range plans of getting booked here in Mpls
2- Establish contacts in the key towns from here to Dallas and book a small tour
3- Work the angle of the “novelty” band

Tonight will be spent building a new hybrid kit specifically for touring
I liked the kit before but I am not real happy with the bass drum pad idea
The new concept will be to suspend the 18″ marching bass drum to play with the double pedal
People tend to equate the 18″ bass drum with a low volume jazz type sound
However, the 18″ can be quite powerful when you do bring it off thge ground and 2 things happen
1- The beater of a normal bass drum would hit somewhere ...

I have to write this from the library because my internet at home has been taken away
This is alright because the library is very close to the house and I need to quit rotting on the internet but I sometimes need info in real time
Guess my list writing skills will have to develop further so that I may use my time more efficiantly when I am here

The big news is that I am not officially sick anymore, although that doesn’t mean my allergies have stopped
My muscles are still a bit weak and sore so I will try an exploratory bike ride soon
The constant sneezing and wiping and sleeping with my mouth completely open has also made my lips real dry and chapped
So much that they are bleeding, which makes me wanna hide from the world for an even longer period of time

Speaking of sleeping with my mouth...